An Embarrassing Story.

I have no ideas.

I’m literally staring at a blank screen right now and there’s a ton of stuff I’d like to write about, but I'm in one of those moods where I'm super hard on myself and every single idea I go through just seems completely unamusing to me.

Anyway I just thought I’d do a blind portrait of myself (ie draw without looking at the screen), just to see how good I am at it.

This is so close to my actual face you have no idea. Okay I’m gonna draw a few more blind portraits for fun. I’ll write the answers after, so you can guess it while it’s being drawn.

(Answer: My dog)

(Answer: Blind man)

(Answer: Orange)



By the way, just so you know how embarrassing I actually am in real life, I was drawing with my eyes closed in a Starbucks filled with people. I am generally not very afraid of embarrassment*, because of an embarrassing event that happened to me once when I was 13. It was so bad that every embarrassing thing that has happened since was a total breeze. I still haven’t found anything that can top that and remind me again of what it feels like to be truly embarrassed. Good times.

*by the way, I know my boyfriend embarrasses me a lot, which is different, because he does embarrassing things bY CHOICE. But I'm talking about the kind where you end up as the joke of the century out of nowhere. Okay read on you'll get it.

(AND NOW I ACTUALLY HAVE A STORY IDEA TO WRITE ABOUT.)

So when I was 13 and just entered secondary school, I was getting on the bus one day and I had this backpack that was fat-ass because I had to carry a ton of french textbooks to 3rd language class that day. You'll see why the bag makes a difference later, but just note for now that I was a very ugly awkward sec1 tween.

So I got on the bus and barely took 5 steps down the aisle,

When the bus uncle accelerated suddenly.

AND MY BAG WAS SO HEAVY IT BEFRIENDED GRAVITY IN THAT INSTANT AND THE NEXT THING I KNEW:

I was literally on the floor flailing my arms and legs in the air like an actual overturned turtle.

And struggled to regain balance and as I looked up to this horror of a sight:

^That thing at the bottom is supposed to be my knees. It's my attempt at a POV drawing, I tried.

It was the worst thing ever. There was this group of ahbengs from some irritating/noisy boys school sitting at the back row who just erupted in the loudest laughter ever, and everyone else in the bus was either suppressing theirs or also uncontrollably laughing, including like this random unsympathetic old lady who had the kindest face, and I felt so betrayed by her.

But anyways, I just heavily peeled myself off the floor and moved to the side of the bus to stand.

And so I stood there for the rest of the bus ride, as the violent chortles from the ahbengs at the back row continued to painfully echo throughout the bus… and throughout the rest of my teenage life.

The end.

Lol ok I know it sounds really bad but in retrospect I’m so glad it happened because now every time I embarrass myself it’s akin to getting poked by a strand of hair compared to that massive STAB I had at my ego.

Okay that’s it. I updated. I probably won’t update anymore for the rest of the year because CHRISTMAS!! Have a great holiday guys byeee


P.S. Christmas is over and I just wanted to say thank you to every single person who supported the mini merch I sold over Christmas! And to the cool kids who told me how much they love reading the things I write, you guys are awesome. Hope you had a great Christmas! ;)

Dumb inventions still being used today.

Every single time I get an automatic flush blast toilet water on my butt, I get really annoyed and silently grumble about it, but never actually do anything about it.

But today, after the millionth time it’s happened to me in my office building’s bathroom, I decided that this is the day the silence comes to an end. I’m sure I’m not the only one, and it’s time we speak up for ourselves and not let such useless inventions continue to devastate our first world lives.

Here are 3 of the dumbest inventions still being used today:

(Yes I know there are tons of stupid inventions in the world like neck holders and boob cushions and there are tons of lists of why they are obviously dumb hence eventually stopped being manufactured, but I'm talking about dumb inventions that don’t seem to be recognized as dumb and are still used ubiquitously today.)


1) The Automatic Flush.

Is it so freaking hard to flush after someone else?

I mean, it might be nasty if you walk in on a toilet bowl filled with a fresh pile of crap,

but IT IS JUST A BUTTON.

Press it.

Also, if you want to completely eliminate the scenario above from even happening, you can maybe, I don’t know, FLUSH AFTER YOURSELF you inconsiderate vile excuse for a human being???

I don’t even see what purpose the automatic flush serves.

It doesn’t ease the effort of carrying 100 rocks I don’t understand why someone thought it necessary to invent it.

They also always install a manual button despite the automatic flush because they know it doesn't actually work. Because so far, after 99% of every piss/dump I take, the automatic flush comes on when I am NOT done, and when I am actually done, I still have to press the manual button.

Only 1% of the time does the automatic flush coincidentally come on exactly when I am done, in which I would have to spring from my seat at that very same second to save my butt, but because one can never fully escape the fury of the automatic flush, I'll still get some minor sprinkles of flush water on my thigh or whatever. It's gross.

(^hee I used butt and but consecutively in a sentence)

Inventions are meant to make life better. And I’d rather just press a flush button.

Moving along.


2) Bins with lids (AND WITH NO PEDAL)

Okay, they probably used these in the past when bin pedals were not invented, and I can understand that we all want lids on our bins to hide the unsightly trash in the bin, or deter pests from swimming around in them etcetc.

But a better inventor already invented a bin with a lid and with a pedal already, which actually serves the purpose of making things more convenient so whY ARE WE STILL going back to the stone ages and having to touch the damn lid omg I can’t.


3) Sheer Clothing. 

Okay this isn’t really counted as an invention, neither is it dumb in perhaps certain countries, but it is dumb in the context of Singapore, because you can’t just wear this out in public with just a bra underneath (not that I want to anyway) because we are so conservative here.

And so you have to wear it with a top inside, and that’s where all the problems begin. 

Because as you know THIS COUNTRY IS A FURNACE, so when you strut around in 2 layers of clothing (one of which is made of suffocating synthetic material), you are bound to die of heatstroke.

And when you’re in 2 layers you’re bound to sweat more, so that’s 2 sweaty tops at once straight into your laundry. Because why wash one top, when you can wash two??

And also occasionally the top underneath bunches up and you look like you have fat layers made of clothes. It’s sad.

But in general:

THEY’RE NOT CLOTHES IF I HAVE TO WEAR CLOTHES UNDERNEATH. 
 
Although okay, I know sheer clothes are consumer goods and I can just choose not to buy them, but I’m just putting them in the list because I only stopped buying them after learning the hard way.

The first few sheer tops I got looked perfectly fine in the dressing room, even with an inner layer, because no one thinks of consequences when you buy outfits in an air-conditioned dressing room.


Aand that’s it.

I’m sorry if a lot of this was rather toilet-centric. I guess when you are alone in a stall you are very highly irritable? I dunno.

Oh wells hopefully this will reach the hands of some toilet/clothes inventors and they will see the light and production will stop and the world will be a better place.

But anyway on to happier things, you can join me next time as I discuss the best inventions of our day. (Okay I’m just saying this because I thought it'd make a cool closing line, I don’t really have any on my list)


P.S. My drawings are kinda neat today? I hate how I am so inconsistent omg sometimes I draw so messily but some days I'm fine. 


P.P.S. By the way, I wrote this last week and I only posted this on Monday (it's Friday now). 

Just making it clear in case my bosses finds this post (which I hope they don't because that would be weird) because there was no way I could've written this on Monday because I've had the worst week of my life at work. 

I had 5 scripts to write by today, which were handed to me only at the start/middle of the week. And that's not inclusive of the half day I had to be on a recce and 2 days I had to be on shoot = time in which I can't work. And that's also not inclusive of the wall mural I had to help paint. I stayed back past 11 for 2 days this week and I just wish for some consistency because I've had days where I literally have nothing to do and then this week I have FIVE to complete within the week I want to cry omg.

Ok actually, I already did. 

Like today when everyone went for lunch (I couldn't because I was panicking and rushing work and I asked Kim to tapao for me) I just had this 5-second speed-bawl to myself while I was alone at my desk to release my feelings but obviously I pulled it together by the time everyone returned because I am strong. 

The worst part of all this is that I am a horrible multi-tasker and I cannot do 5 things simultaneously (In a normal situation I would clear them literally 1 by 1 but I COULD NOT because I would have a phone interview arranged regarding Project 1 while I'm doing Project 2, or while I'm on Project 3 the client will say they want me to rewrite Project 4 by the next morning LIKE I DON'T HAVE A LIFE BUT ACTUALLY THEY ARE RIGHT i don't). And when I am switching back and forth from so many big tasks, WITH THE ADDED FACTOR OF SLEEP DEPRIVATION I cannot concentrate and I forget a lot of tiny things while trying to remember the big ones. 

My brain has just generally been in a coma this week. I seriously thought I was bad at multi-tasking and bad at mornings and then this week happened and I just blew myself off my own charts of failure.

Also the other worst part is that Raph is currently living it up in Paris as we speak and while I am telling him how I did not have dinner he is sending me pictures of his magic croissant for breakfast or something I don't even know. 

Okay forgive me rant over I needed to vent. I have been running on adrenaline and grace the past week.

I should get some sleep.

The Point of Instagram.

Tiny pictures = Signs of life.

I will never fully understand the bizarre phenomenon that is social media but I suppose I like following friends and writers and artists and knowing that they’re alive and well.

And animals I like all of your animal pictures.

Always easier to fear.

Remember deep down in your spirit darling, where it’s realer than everything you can see:

"You’re loved, you’re loved, you’re loved."

More than you could ever imagine. 

-----

I used to not really understand why people say fear and love are opposites, and what 1 John 4:18 really meant. Because isn’t the opposite of love, hate? And isn’t the opposite of fear, boldness?

But then I realized that boldness stems from love, and hate of fear. Because “love” in this context is more of “knowing you are loved and given good gifts”, and “fear” is more of “fearing punishment and some kinda bad gift”.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross once wrote that there are only two primary emotions, love and fear. But it's more accurate to say that there is only love or fear, for we cannot feel these two emotions together, at exactly the same time. They're opposites. If we're in fear, we are not in a place of love. When we're in a place of love, we cannot be in a place of fear.

Graduating officially last week let me see that I had a choice: to be in a place of fear or to be in a place of love.

Pastor always says that there is more than enough blessing to go around, it’s not like you’re losing out or shortchanged when someone else gets blessed. It’s one of the reasons that always makes me excited about doing something new. Because the economy of love never runs short of supply, and it never runs short of good gifts.


 It’s always easier to fear, but what has fear done for anyone?

Carousell: My boyfriend's latest obsession.

Some of my friends really like it when I write about my boyfriend (like here and here), so here's another one after a gazillion years. Enjoy.

So, when school ended a couple of months back, Raph decided to explore the Carousell scene.

He wasn't so sure about a lot of things at first like he kept asking me "Why are all the female sellers on carousell so chio??" etc and I was so confused until I realised he was referring to the girls in the thumbnails of clothes being sold.

And I had to explain to him they were all models from the catalogues that female sellers copied from clothing sites to use as the thumbnails for their clothes it is not the sellers themselves. (if you don't use Carousell you probably won't get this lol but it's okays you will probably get the rest.)

But anyways for the first night he was on the app he was so excited about it and I was kinda annoyed because we didn't have a single real conversation in the car, because I was busy being his personal secretary.

Yes, clients.

Okay maybe I was just slightly impressed jealous because in his first 12 hours on the app, he literally made more than a $100 or something??? Which is a lot of money from selling junk in his house. Like I don't even understand how his stuff gets sold. Because,

1) He sells the weirdest things (it baffles me who would want to buy his KaiKai JiaJia commemorative panda stamp like who even searches for something so strange and specific on Carousell??). 

Examples of some:

Because apparently there are people out there who want gold bar replicas.

 

10 bucks for plane stamps for airmail inception or something.

 

Ok this isn't exactly a weird item it's just funny how he made this ordinary notebook sound so desirable, and how someone actually fell for it. Which leads me to the next point,

2) His item descriptions are also *hilariously* weird. 

Examples of some (brace yourself for lots of "beautiful" items):

I died at this one and as you can see the exclamation marks really work, it got sold. #carouselltips

Ok and the funniest part is that he isn't even trying to be funny he really sincerely means everything he writes in his item descriptions.

Anyway so I was scrolling through his listings the other day laughing/crying to myself when I saw that he'd put up his platypus soft toy for sale. And I love his platypus because it's the cutest thing in his room so I called him and I'm like:

(by the way, weird 'bar of soap'-looking things are supposed to be handphones)

But I complied anyway.

And proceeded with business protocol, because things could not have gotten any weirder.

(The following takes place while we are literally still on the phone with each other sometimes I don't even know what is this relationship)

In the end he sold it to this other guy though. Who needed it more than me so I was cool. Like it was quite a sweet story, apparently this guy's son had a Show And Tell coming up in school (Animal edition) and he wanted to go up and talk about his favourite animal the platypus.

He wanted to bring a toy platypus to the class, but no one sells them in Singapore you have to ship it from Australia or something. So this dad tried looking on Carousell and was so psyched that he actually found this being sold so obviously when a sweet father is trying to make his son happy you can't not sell a platypus to him right??

Anyways,  Raph is seriously on a Carousell roll earning so much money off it he made this joke that he might someday become a full-time carouseller. I was not amused. I just hope he doesn't run out of things to sell in his house and eventually put me up for sale or something.



P.S. Hii. I'll be in Sydney for the next 2 weeks so I'm giving myself a break from posting stuff the next 2 Mondays. I might post still though. I'll see. Depends on my mood. Probably not. I'd rather instagram Kangaroos. If I meet some. Hopefully I get to meet a real-life platypus too and get over the loss of the toy one.

P.P.S. Hi guys thanks for the unexpectedly overwhelming response to this post I am so happy to have made so many of you happy! Also special thanks to Carousell who found the post and decided to be cool and said they'll be sending us some "Carousell swag" soon. I don't really know what that is but I assured them that Raph will not sell it on carousell.

P.P.P.S. By the way, thanks to everyone who pointed out the "plague" error also, it is indeed hilarious I don't know how I missed that out.

P.P.P.P.S. This isn't very related to the post but I thought of this while writing the last P.S., which is that I dont really understand how "P.S. I love you" became a popular romantic book/movie centred around the titular message written in a letter, and how it spawned a wave of hopeless romantics who also started to use that in their love letters too. Because PS = post script = written after you signed off = something important you missed out while writing the actual letter and hence you're still putting it in after you've already concluded it. So in short, "P.S. I love you" is nothing but "Ohya by the way, I love you. Sorry I forgot." How is that even romantic omg can you just rewrite your letter

Was machst du heute?

Art? Music? Magic?

Someone's day?

It's always a wonder learning a different language because I like the sound of sounds and putting them together.

I probably wouldn't intentionally devote time to learning a new language in its fullness though, unless I'm permanently living somewhere that speaks it. I learnt French for a year in Secondary School and it so was hard being unable to practice it, so I stopped. (YES QUITTING EXCUSES #leavemealone)

I've forgotten most of it already, other than being able to fake a relatively legit french accent. Oh I remember being first introduced to French cinema in that language centre. Yay french films.

I feel really thankful to be able to speak more than one language in this country. I love how knowing another language can create this new dimension to everything around you on an average 风和日丽 day-- poetry becomes different, jokes become different, and names become different (so we feel like we become a new person with this new name which is very cool).

And I love how a different language can even give you a fresh perspective when translated to your primary language. And that's kinda what this post is about.

So, I went to Germany for exchange a couple years ago and we took a mandatory German crash course for a month.

One of the common phrases we learnt was: "Was machst du heute?"
which means: "What are you doing today?"

But the word machst also means "making", although in this context generally means "doing". But whenever someone asked me in German "Was machst du heute?", I couldn't help but think,

What am I making today?

It was a lovely question to ponder because I found myself a bit more enthusiastic about life when I began to see all my daily activities as making something rather than just doing them.

I ask myself that question even now (if I remember to haha), especially on days when I don't feel like doing anything. And before I know it I'm writing out new ideas, playing some music, or loving someone.

Because there is nothing quite as impelling as knowing you have been given the present power to make something out of nothing, or make something better, or make someone happy.


What are you making today? :)

Spider on my arm.

I am constantly balding in fear.

I think this only happens to girls. Or just people with long hair. I don't know.

Cheap Thrills.

Because who doesn't like to find money amirite.

P.S. Anyways I have something cool to announce:

NEW POSTS EVERY MONDAY NOW! *insert confetti emoji*

I am so excited I am going to talk about mini things as such. Some might include accompanying exposition, some might not, and maybe every other month I will tell you a cool story because I have so many, but till then, please come back often and say hello!

I think I'm also generally quite excited today because I got a phonecall asking me to go down for an interview for a writer-producer job at a production house which is so exciting and my first thought was WHAT DO I WEAR which really shouldn't be.

But whatever cut me some slack it's my first job interview ever in my life. Omg actually that's quite scary ok I better stop talking about it lest my excitement turns into anxiety and actually what if I fail the interview and not get the job in the end then I will be sad so I better not be so excited.

New shoes.

Ok so I hate that I hardly update here because I'm so busy, and I hate that I can't commit to write even just once a month, and most of all I hate that half my posts include lack-of-update apologies such as this + resolutions to put something up asap (to which I fail to deliver and the cycle repeats), so yeah I'm sorry to consistently disappoint like, the 10 of you who have any shred of trust left in me and are still reading this.

But I really want to keep this blog constantly updated, so I got an idea that while waiting for me to finish long posts, I'll add to the blog a new series of posts that aren't really my usual anecdotes, but just random one-image thoughts that appear in my head sometimes. They may be funny, they may not be, they may be rhymes or revelations or Hemingway short stories -- whatever it is I don't care because at least I write something, and for myself.

Because I find that writing really is my main form of catharsis. Whether I add images or song to it, whether I create it or appreciate someone else's work -- it makes me happy.

I've spent most of my free time (which is hardly any at all MY INSTAGRAM IS A LIE THERE I SAID IT) the past semester watching movies, reading or listening to music, but I've neglected creating on a constant basis and it is not cool for my soul.

It's like I just keep feeding myself till I'm damn fat and full but I don't give myself a chance to shit. Yknow??

Ok sorry for gross analogy. But yes the biggest thing I wrote the past year was a script, after which I spent all my time getting it shot so nope, not much writing. I scribble in my journal now and then which helps, but it's not the same as stringing words together for the purpose of creating.

And so as the stress of finalizing our films whilst getting job applications done began to creep in, I unknowingly became a huge emotional wreck for the past week. Which is really what this new shoes thing is about because I didn't even know I was irrationally fearing for my life until Raph pointed it out to me, told me to listen to some sermons, and brought me shopping and got me a new pretty pair of shoes.

It made me feel tonnes better.

(Also digressing I am so thankful to have a boyfriend who can point out my stress even when I don't realise it, then point me back to Jesus. What is this love thing I cannot.)

So yeah, I might or might not talk about this scary topic called "graduating from an art school" soon, because it might involve some serious aspects, and I don't know if anyone's even gonna take me seriously anymore because I have been drawing imposter ducks and myopic soups on this site, so nah, maybe not. But we'll see.

That aside, I feel like giving myself some space to say random things in my ugly handwriting is going to be quite therapeutic. And hopefully fun. For both of us. Ok goodnight.

The world doesn't need more emojis.

Except a crab emoji.

We all need a crab emoji because how else am I supposed to make my crab cravings known via text right. I mean I could say it in words but it's not the same.

My crab emoji suggestion:

 
(So first off. I know I don't really have a right to speak now because cool people have been asking me to update this blog but i don't do it because I keep having something better to do. But now that I have found something worse to do - ie write my only essay of the semester, hello again after 4 months where I attempt to take a break from writing a 5000-word FYP report by well, writing this.)

So back to talking about how I don't wanna upgrade to the new iOS because of the new emojis SIGH.

But honestly, why do I need emojis in every single race anyway?? It's not like there's a difference to the emotion/activity we portray when the race is different.

Eg. this emoji:

The next time I use this, apparently I'm not just saying: "hey guys I'm getting my hair cut"

I'm saying: "hey guys I'm Chinese and getting my hair cut"

BECAUSE THAT MATTERS.

Also, Shar and I were laughing about the fact that there is even Santa in every race. That's ridiculous because everyone knows there is only one Santa and he is white because obviously people who live in the North Pole evolved to be very fair to hide from predators and stuff??

Duh.

And I really just don't know what this world is coming to because remember the days when we were using msn and all the emoticons were raceless and faceless and we had a range of about like 20 emoticons to choose from and life was so much easier? D;

It must be true when they say people with smaller wardrobes are happier. (Should probably start throwing out some clothes so I sound less of a hypocrite writing this.)

And OHYES speaking of msn do you remember they had that hug emoticon which was animated and you really truly felt the hugs that people sent to you?

(Yup, felt that. Also, #nostalgiastrikes.)

Yes well Emoji needs to step up their game because,

y no hug emoji?? 

I've been using this^ for hugs for ages which according to Siri means "person making okay gesture" so apparently every time my friend needs a hug I'm actually just looking at her cruelly saying

But honestly, we have enough emojis. Even now, half the emojis aren't even being used at all and I already waste enough time trying to search for the perfect emoji for my text messages/instagram captions I don't need to waste even more. I shudder to think about the day where we have 5000 emojis to sift through and we will take so long to express an emotion through text that we will just have to  *gasp*...

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HAVE TO START ACTUALLY SPEAKING WITH PEOPLE? Please. Just think about that.

So please, stop adding more emojis. If you really wanna do the racially diverse thing, just change the race of random emojis so that each emoji has a single race of its own. We can still use them universally.

(You're more than welcome to add a crab and hug emoji any day though. :> )

Tiny bags.

I have a tiny bag at home. It's super cute, but I hardly use it because I usually have a lot of stuff.

The other day I was pretty sure I didn't need to bring much though, so i carried my tiny bag. Because it was pretty and dainty and completely impracticable but that didn't matter because #fashion. 

It couldn't even fit my wallet. It could fit my phone but that has to be constantly in my hand so that I'm contactable and never bored so yes I was essentially carrying an empty bag around just because it was cute.

I think I put a packet of tissue in there to delude myself that the bag had some purpose, but whatever it's not really a delusion because bringing tissue is important ok.

So on the way to my destination I decided I was thirsty so I bought myself a bottled drink which meant I was holding that + my fat wallet + my phone, while my bag was practically empty.

I looked like a complete fool and I mean I could've gotten a plastic bag from a store to contain my stuff but then everyone would notice the giant ugly plastic bag and defeat the purpose of me carrying the tiny pretty bag. It's like I already made the choice to be impractical (albeit beautiful) so I'd better just stick with my decision yknow.

I think bagmakers are tapping on the conception that mini-anything is cute but they really need to stop making stuff I don't need. 

Oh well guess I learnt a great lesson that day: We should really stop carrying tiny bags forever.

Unless we're super sure we're not gonna buy a bottled drink along the way.

I miss you like pancakes.

Hey guys I know I haven’t touched this space in forever but I’ve been super busy with FYP. I’ll be shooting my fyp film next week which is quite exciting (albeit a little scary) and I’m trying to chill out a bit before production so I wrote something short that I’ll put up this weekend.

Meanwhile, here’s a drawing I did a while back for my friend Monica's blog.

(PS. I don't do commissioned illustrations, sorry!!)

See you all in a couple of days! :)